Tuesday, August 21, 2012

5 Things You've Never Noticed... Until Now

Yup, the kid's still busy. But luckily I've found a little time on the side to write a post about a topic that randomly forced itself into my head. In a nation dominated by technological advances, we've become accustomed to looking over some little things that could possibly make our lives much easier. Due to the convenience of cell phones and the internet, we occasionally lose one of our most important skills as a human race: The skill of analyzing. Unless we're told to really analyze something, we don't even bother. We just whip out our pretty phones to occupy that empty gap that use to be taken by constructive thinking. That's what brings me here. Here are 5 "little things" that you should have known a long time ago and will never be unseen:

5) What Side Is My Damn Gas Tank On?

You pull up into a gas station ready to throw down the rest of your savings account just so you can drive to the Taco Bell one town over (you tell yourself you're getting something off the new Cantina menu, but we all know you're grabbing something cheesy, beefy, and with Doritos/Fritos in it) when all of a sudden you realize that you can't remember (or never had a clue) what side your gas tank is on. You pull into an open slot and suddenly have to waste additional time by exiting the vehicle to take a look.

This scenario always plays out with your tank on the opposite side of your vehicle. You swear to yourself in front of a 3 year old dyslexic child (why dyslexia, I don't know), pull a 3 point turn to reverse the direction of yourself, some Masshole pulls into your spot, and of course your day is officially ruined. Well guess what? There's a way to avoid this hassle. There's actually a little arrow on most cars right next to the gas gauge that points in the direction of your car's gas tank. Yup, and you're realizing this now. You're welcome.

4) Arrow Symbolism

Speaking of stupid, little arrows: See that space between the "E" and "x" in the FedEx logo? Yup, that's an arrow. This is why I love advertising. Because you get to manipulate people without them even knowing it. Beautiful use of subliminal messaging so that you know your love-package for a long distance butt buddy is moving efficiently from destination A to destination B. And since we're on the topic of moving between letters, go check out the Amazon.com logo:

Notice the arrow going from the letter "A" to "Z" that resembles a smile? That is also a intelligent way to let you know that they have "everything from A to Z" ... Clever girl.

3) Easy Way to Remember "Pi"

Want to see some magic? Write "PI.E" on a piece of paper. Hold said piece of paper in mirror. Say abracadabra like a big dummy. Presto, the rounded transcendental number 3.14 appears. Too bad you got that question wrong on a test back in middle school when all you had to do was type "PIE" in your calculator. But you were too busy punching in "5318008", flipping it upside-down, and showing it to your nearby friends. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.

2) Ketchup Cups: You're Doing it Wrong

This one right here makes me question everything I've ever known in life. An item that I've used so many times in my 23 years, 2 months, & 18 days of existence has never been used correctly. I'm talking about those dang ketchup cups. They're evil SOB's aren't they? Perfect for fry dippage, but inefficient for lazy hamburger soaking and those unique chicken nuggets with elephantiasis. Turns out we had a way to resolve this problem right in front of us:

If you pull on those little ridges, the cup's top expands and your friends instantly proclaim you the smartest man on the planet (unless you're eating by yourself... then you just pat yourself on the back and finish off your Quarter Pounder with a side of 20 McNuggs like the efficient machine that you are). Have you ever in your life seen any fat sack of grease do this? Is this a sick, selfish joke made by the inventor? Why did nobody tell us?!

1) Willy Wonka Girl Gets Bonked

How many times have you seen "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory"? Too many times to count. Classic film I know, but have you ever seen this little girl get rocked in the face by the creepy candy man while he's singing his little song about how awesome he is to the unsuspecting children?:

The broad gets socked. And she takes it like a champ by sucking it up just so she can fulfill her sugar addiction and not fall to the back of the candy line behind Jimmy and Sally. She didn't even get a golden ticket for the bulbous bruise materializing underneath her chin that could manipulate the future growth patterns of her face .... Alright, I'm taking it a step too far, but you get the picture.

"When My Time Comes"
And now it seems like the unraveling has started too soon,
Now I'm sleeping in hallways and I'm drinking perfume
And I'm speaking to mirrors and I'm howling at moons
While the worst and the worst that it gets.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

No Time 4 Downtime

And the most successful and busy month of my young career comes to an end. I just went through a 3 week period traveling New England jumping show to show. For an individual based in Portland, ME working freelance, that's a triumph. This area is no where near as hungry for film & TV opportunities as NY/LA, so you really have to market yourself to get these jobs. But the worst part is, I was getting so many calls that I actually had to say no to a few of them. Some pilot for Bravo and a reschedule for A&E's "Hoarders" were tossed to friends of mine due to this hectic and varying schedule.

But let's quickly run through my small voyage. Things started picking up at the end of June right here in Portland when I joined a crew I previously worked with for an upcoming Food Network special. Then July hit and I jumped on with the Travel Channel's "Food Paradise" series as they explored some of the best restaurants in New England. I jumped between Southern Maine, Boston, Cape Cod, and Rhode Island as I worked with a small crew and got to try some of the most amazing food I've ever had.

I wrapped with that awesome crew just to merge with another professional crew working on Leftfield Pictures' "Bid & Destroy" around southern New Hampshire. If you're one of the 3 1/2 individuals who read my blog regularly, you might remember this as that National Geographic Channel shoot from the creators of Pawn Stars that was going to take up 2+ months of my life. I ended up saying no to it but luckily they needed some extra help so I was able to get in there and gain the experience.

Of course, there was minimal downtime. I shot right back up to Portland, ME to work camera on the first episode of Casa Club TV & Canal Ella's "La Chispa de Chef Carmen Gonzalez". It was a reality television show that followed Top Chef participant Carmen Gonzalez as she ran her new restaurant in Portland, ME and explored her life. It was a primarily Spanish speaking set so it was definitely an interesting experience. But once the local crew became use to the style of the crew imported from Miami, FL, it became an extremely beneficial learning experience.

Every time I'm forced to adapt to a new production crew, I leave with a better mindset. There's so many different styles of crews, which makes it a lot of fun to work with individuals from all over the globe and to adjust your own methods to fit theirs.

And now I'm here. Back at my day job and finishing up this blog. Yet still I'm always looking for that next opportunity. Especially anything with travel. But for now I'm going to fit some music back into my life. I have the Mumford & Sons' "Gentlemen of the Road" festival coming up, which has the potential to be the highlight of my already stacked summer. And since I'm still fresh from a 311 & Slightly Stoopid concert I went to this past Sunday, I'm going to leave you with this...

Slightly Stoopid
4 in the mornin, police knockin' at my door, what for?
Bet I know the reasons he comin' back and
And then they comin through, I tell them "He just kicked down my door"
Even though I'm on the floor with a gun to my head