Delicious Little Grease Demons

I've been through a lot throughout my life, but there has always been one nemesis who never fails to thwart my evil doings. He's the Captain Planet to my Pollution. His name... Eating Healthy.

A little more fitting to my future physical situation.

Anybody who even slightly knows me quickly understands my love of food. And this isn't a love of that good green stuff... oh no. Pizzas, steak, french fries, and chicken wings are the main occupiers of my quintessential food pyramid. A pyramid that isn't built by any Egyptians (or aliens depending on your level of gullibility). It's built by a grease addiction that goes back to my early childhood.

Gross, I know. But it's sad when I get cooking inspirations as I watch the guys over at the viral YouTube sensation "EpicMealTime" put together their fatty creations. It's even more sad how excited I became when I found out that you can put a McChicken in between the patties of a Double Cheeseburger from McDonalds.

It's a real thing... look it up.

Am I disgustingly obese? Well, not all the way there yet, but I am without a doubt unhealthy. I can just feel it. I'm even hesitant to donate blood because I'm scared I'll get mocked when the needle enters my vein and fills with ranch dressing.

Okay that last part was an over-exaggeration, but you get the picture. So I've decided to start eating healthier. Will I be able to drop all those delicious grease demons entirely? Hell no, but I can at least bump up the carrot intake and pray for a few additional years to my already pinched life.

So if you're out partaking in a food coma with me, witness me chowing down within a random dirty restaurant, or even see me mumbling sweet nothings to the drive-thru lady, I want you to make me feel like a complete barrel of filth. Call me any disgusting name you can come up with until I cry a milkshake, because my diet really needs to change. That's an order.

... Alright, this whole post is a lie. This motivation will last about 3 days and then I'll fall into a Kentucky Fried Chicken Doublicious binge. Hey, at least I tried.


TODAY'S TASTY TRACK

Fake Problems
"Tabernacle Song"
Even in the kingdom of heaven
I'll be asking the question,
"What's it like in hell"?